Yeatman Middle School

 The doors to the bus opened up and two of my best friends, the Twins, crack a couple of more jokes before getting off. The younger of the two (by like 2 minutes or something), Corey, throws a punch at on one of the older guys then makes a run for it down the bus aisle. He was always the more lighthearted of the two. Corey was always smiling. Always enjoying himself. Keith wasn't quite his opposite, as most folks claim twins are, but he was more serious-minded. He seemed to have that much more of a chip on his shoulder. He smiled.....often. But you could feel his earnest personality under it. These guys were two of my best friends in the world. And while I hated to see them get off, it wasn't so much because I wouldn't get to see them until it was tomorrow. Nah, I hated to see them get off because my stop was next, Yeatman Middle.
The doors closed back, and I sat back in my seat. Me and my homey, Hasaan (it took me until like the 4-5th grade before I knew how to properly spell that), were playing pencil break. I was a champion of the game.....LOL By the time I cracked Haadi's last pencil, the bus was coming to a stop. My heart on the other hand had increased its pace probably five-fold. I hated this part of the day. I mean, it always seemed to make me more nervous than my comfort level could tolerate. You would never be able to tell this from the outside though. I learned at a very young age how to keep things collected on the exterior, no matter what was going on inside of me. My emotions were for me to deal with....only me...and time. I say time because in due time all things pass, and all things come to light. There was no reason for me to get all jittery....hyenas can recognize the scent of anxiety from miles away....and it always makes their mouths water. 
My bus had now come to a complete stop. The doors opened. Haadi and I said our salutations to the remaining guys on the bus, grabbed our bags, and made our way off the bus. Once off, my heart calmed. My mind became clear, and my focus sharp. 
Get Home.
Get home quick and get home safe.
Get Home.
Hasaan and I stopped into Zoody's real quick to grab some Red Hot Ripplets and a Mystic before going home. I knew I wasn't supposed to make any stops, but it always seemed to help to be doing something when I made it to the corner. Eating my chips, I signaled that I was ready and on to the house we walked. It didn't take long to realize there was something going on. No sooner than I made it past the church did I see the guys standing on the porch. And I could hear lots and lots of commotion. I didn't know exactly what was what, but I knew something wasn't right. And that was the last thing I wanted....was for something to not be right. I crossed the street as I always did in order to speak with my God Aunt Audrey (GOD bless her soul). That may have been a bad idea, as I soon found out the commotion was coming from the 4400 block of the Bud, not the 4200. As Hasaan and I made it to the clearing, we realized exactly what was going on. Someone had said or done the wrong thing to the wrong person, and man, were they playing for it. 
"This nigga getting his shit crushed man!!!!!" Hasaan said as he ran towards the situation. 
His house was like one or two homes down from where a man's car was getting vandalized like you wouldn't believe. Two guys were taking to the actual damage, smashing the windshield with bricks, and busting out the windows. There was another guy making sure the owner of the car did nothing but watch. He watched....painfully....but he dared not move towards his vehicle. I saw this, and I turned my head. It didn't have anything to do with me, so I immediately regained focus. 
Get Home 
Get home quickly and get home safely. 
Get Home. 
My mind a blur, I turned to cross the street and no sooner than I stepped out into the street, Fred grabbed me up and put me back on the curb. A car sped by. 
"You better be careful, Lil’ Todd. You bout to get hit by a damn car, man." 
"Thanks," I replied. 
"Now, get cho' ass on home before I tell Mr. Haskins you out here playing in the street." 
I looked—left, right, left--then shot across the street. As usual, they were out in full force on the corner. It was theirs. They'd fought to defend it, and they now had no fear at all of anyone daring an attempt to take it back. On the porch of the house on the corner, about five of the original members of 44 Bud stood and sat, laughing and joking as always. In plain view, they carried large semi- and fully automatic weapons. It was like something straight out of a fucking movie. Only it was real.....very,very real. I spoke with a wave and kept it pushing. Over my shoulder, I could here errboddy speaking back, so I turned and gave a smile. Only four more houses and I would be home. The danger was clear, and my mind turned to whose ass I was going to kick when playing football in the street. 
A couple of hours later, I learned that a young man had been shot at the school....my bus stop. I never learned why because I never really investigated it. My mother told me that he'd been shot with a shotgun and died at the scene less than an hour after I'd gotten off of the bus. 
May God rest his soul. 
My Grandfather met Hasaan and I at the bus stop from that day on.....

Thanks Papa. R.I.P. sir.

Judge Not Lest Ye Be So Judged

I would estimate that the same lie is being told, every minute of every waking hour somewhere in the States. The lie has been used so often and in so many different circles to represent everything from inclusion and complete indifference. More often than not, the perpetrator is looking to gain a sense of confidence or relay the feeling of an alliance through the guise of freedom of expression...

Who am I to judge anyone else? 

Many other times the individual is looking to justify their ways and do so through an air arrogance and staunch advocacy to individualism and self gratification.....

Who are you to judge me? 

Whenever you hear someone say this to you, listen to them closely...and recognize what this person may have to gain through your now “earned” trust. It is not wise for you to not use the intuition bestowed upon you by your Creator to help you decipher your environment. There are very few people in your life with whom you have built up enough trust and respect and understanding to where you no longer judge their actions or their motives or intentions. This is life. The stakes are high....extremely high. Those who don’t judge their environments usually die within them. Those who misjudge their environments, including the people within those environments, usually find themselves in unwanted and unnecessarily negative situations. We are supposed to judge....and regardless of what lie people tell you they are judging you as they say they aren’t. You do the same. 

So what are the none judgmental really asking for? 

Matthew Chapter 7 says:
    ¹ Judge not, that ye be not judged. 
    ² For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: 
    and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. 

This is the scripture most Christians will point to when they go into their tangent of how no one has the right or audacity to judge another. That’s not how I interpret that passage. I interpret this passage to mean: The standards by which we as the human race hold one another accountable must be the same as the standards we are ourselves expected to uphold. No more of this, “Do as I say but not as I do” mentality. Do as I do. Help me become a better me by holding me accountable to that which I say. And in doing so, allow me to do the same for you.

Funny thing is, we all know this. Its intuitive. Instinctual even. Its a natural reaction for us to empathize with the spirits of one another. Society however, has bred a culture of subconscious dissociation. The thoughts we entertain and our actions are based on the pulling away from one another, not joining forces. That’s why you hear, “As long as it isn’t hurting anyone” so often. 

“So for me to judge you means that you would have the right to judge me.........

....no thanks. Let’s just be cool.”

Gay or Nay: Reconciling Race, Religion and Homosexuality in Black America

“At a certain point, I've just concluded, that for me, personally, it is important for me to go ahead and affirm that I think same-sex couples should be able to get married.”

And with that one sentence, our President Barack Obama, both created and stirred a conversation amongst his supporters and detractors alike. In America, we are more than ready to speak superficially within our circles and with our friends, but yet we are completely unprepared and unwilling to discuss who we really are with anyone. Our comments are vanilla and lack depth and insight into who we really are and what we really believe. With this being true, how then can our President take a side? How can he make (and subsequently defend) such a strong and defined statement? What about all of those he’s alienated? Will they vote against him? Will those he has now openly supported return the favor come election time? Will it even matter? 

In America, we have a history of denying who we are and how we feel. We live lives that are almost counter to everything we supposedly stand for....because we must in order to provide for our families. We host conversations with one another but we very rarely divulge how we really feel about the real issues plaguing us. Most of the conversations seen on a site like Facebook can be described as simply rhetorical mancala. A game being played in which one is looking to dominate the others playing through the use of large words, abstract concepts and misleading intentions, collecting “likes” as our marbles and dropping them into our containers stamped “EGO”. An issue as large as the “acceptance of homosexuality,” can not and should not be seen on such a small egotistically driven scale. The views you are about to read (and hopefully absorb) are nothing of the aforementioned. 

I am a homophobe. 

But exactly what does that mean? According to Dictionary.com; Homophobe is defined as: 

A person who fears or hates homosexuals and homosexuality. 

With convoluted definitions like that, there is no wonder why so many have a hard time accurately describing their emotions and divulging their real opinions on touchy subjects. The suffix -phobia simply means “fear” or “fear of”, how hate became involved in the definition of Homophobia is unclear. Let’s see if I can be more focused in my description of how I feel about homosexuality. 

I have a fear of how the acceptance of homosexuality impacts the community which I consider myself a part of. Black America has so many unresolved issues negatively affecting our progression, I do not believe it is wise for us to adopt a culture which surely will cause even more confusion before it is properly sorted out. 

Black America, more than any other subset of American culture, has had to fight and die for the right to live in peaceful harmony with others in this country. Hell, we’ve had to fight and die to live amongst ourselves in peace (Black Wall Street, Tulsa Oklahoma Riots). To compare our struggles for equality with that of any other (in American History) should be considered blatantly disrespectful towards our martyrs whose rewards are found in my ability to speak directly to you right now! Equality for Black America is found in going from a human being considered 3/5th human being, to simply one whole. From being included in sales and trust deeds as chattel to my being able to purchase a home for my family and sign a deed of trust myself. From literally standing on a selling block and being purchased, labeled and used a breeding cow or stud, or the sole purpose of being overworked as mules in the field to being able to establish a company as an entrepreneur in order to provide the means of living for one’s family. I won’t even get into the lynching, the sheer terror campaigns endured, disingenuous laws such as Jim Crow, and others. Black America, our struggle to survive first, prosper second, the Cointel Pro operatives to murder our leaders and spokespeople as well as infect our communities with disease and psychotic drugs, and eventually place an African American man into the White House, is not comparable to any other culture or group in the history of this land. 

Time and time again, however, our struggle and movement has been hijacked by some other who feels they are not being treated “equally.” The same songs are sang, the same stances are reconfigured and re-presented and because of our lack of self identity, Black Americans log on and co-sign this behavior. Equality in America can never truly be achieved. We have too many different cultures and factions to make it possible. Too many have enjoyed too large of a head start, and others have been dropped in and endured too deep of a hole which they would have to get out of to get started in the first place. So to make things fit in our contemporary capitalistic society, we have transformed the meaning of “equality”. Today “equality” means “sameness” rather than “oneness.” We have splintered off into so many different camps to satisfy our need to belong that we have completely lost track of what it means to treat someone equal: To allow people to be different without making them the same as us. We want to view homosexuals as the “same as” heterosexuals, and because so many Americans (homosexuals included) suffer from separation anxiety, they happily oblige. If we truly viewed them as equals, we would be celebrating their differences, rather than subliminally coercing them to join the ranks of ours. If we truly want to respect homosexual culture, we will take more time to know more about them, how they came into being, what is the motive of their love, and what role they may be able to play in the overall advancement of humanity or at the least American society. 

“The polarity of the sexes is disappearing, and with it erotic love, which is based on this polarity. Men and women become the “same”, not as “equals” as opposite poles. Contemporary society preaches this ideal of unindividualized equality because it needs human atoms, each one the same, to make them function in a mass aggregation, smoothly, without friction; all obeying the same commands, yet everybody is being convinced that he/she is following his own desires.” 

-Eric Fromm, The Art of Loving 1956

Historically speaking, in a religious context, equality meant we were all Children of God. Each given a unique job or task which when carried out was paramount to the overall cohesiveness of society. Husbands were expected to be strong, both mentally and physically, and this strength was used to create and fashion a livelihood for the family....it was also a foregone conclusion that they were men. Women were expected to reign in terms of practicalities and thoughtfulness. While the men were away working, wives tended to the children and to the household. Thus using the very natures endowed to us by God herself. Through God’s divine wisdom or natural selection (you choose) both men and women have adapted to these natures. Men are typically physically stronger than women and share a common bond for rationality and reasoning. Women are the more emotional, but equally necessary counterparts to that. Their tremendous capacity and willingness to love and nurture is what keeps the world from being at war with itself. But of course, too much of any thing has the tendency to create an overcompensation of some sort. The yin/yang of man/woman relationships is what is needed to create life. The masculine and feminine energy that is visible in every aspect of nature is required to recreate and stabilize life itself. Women love simply because....as does Mother Nature. No one has to do anything to expect the sun to rise in the morning or for life to spew forth from the ground. It’s intrinsic. This “Motherly Love” is the type of love that young babies need. They are unable to do for themselves and need the love of someone who does not require anything from them. Men are very different in their makeups. Like Father Time, we have defined expectations. 

“You can use my car once you clean your room.” 

“You can go to the dance if you make straight As.” 

“I’ll buy you a car of your own when you graduate high school/college.”

Because of a man’s nature to rationalize his actions, things are given once earned. Young children around the age of 8 begin to yearn for this type of love. It satisfies a need for the sense of accomplishment within them. This is why it is very common for a child to spend a large portion of their lives aiming to make their father proud. This is something you very rarely hear concerning mothers. Unfortunately we live in a time where it is not uncommon to be surrounded by young people who have grown up with only one of the necessary two formats of energy. Single parent moms, no matter how hard they try do not possess the natural aura of a man. The same can be said for single parent fathers and the feminine energies needed. I contend that our current state of confusion as to what is and what is not homosexuality, is a directly related to young men being given too much feminine energy too often. In an act of rebellion against their choices of male mates, females are choosing themselves to share their intimacy with. 

"The awareness of human separation, without reunion by love-- is the source of shame. It is at the same time the source of guilt and anxiety." 

All in all, the wage of sin is death. Nature reproduces, life is constantly recreated. This is not a reality for homosexuals as it is impossible for their lifestyle to sustain itself through natural means. Homosexuals cannot mate and create more homosexuals. Replication can only be achieved through Conversion. This is one of the central tenants in After the Ball: How America will conquer its fear & hatred of Gays in the 90s. 

It isn't enough that antigay bigots should become confused about us, or even indifferent to us--we are safest, in the long run, if we can actually make them like us. Conversion aims at just this.....

Note that the bigot need not actually be made to believe that he is such a heinous creature, that others will now despise him, and that he has been the immoral agent of suffering. It would be impossible to make him believe any such thing. Rather, our effect is achieved without reference to facts, logic, or proof.

And this is where my fear is rooted. Black America has been used as a harbinger for enough of America’s unresolved issues. We are the same group of people used to test the long term effects of syphilis unknowingly through experimentation from our government. Our families have witnessed enough separation. Our foundation is being mended as we speak. I fear that this particular load, homosexual indoctrination as it is currently being unveiled, is simply too much for us to bear. Let us find our way back to the table of harmony with the rest of the world. We need to allow ourselves time to recreate the image of love and marriage within our community before we extend an offering for others to join us in our misery. We too are the Children of God. Some would even point to us in the bible as the referenced Lost Tribe of Judah, stuck in a land not our own. Let’s recommit ourselves to ourselves and turn this thing around before it’s too late. 

Peace and Love 

Mustafa Ahmad Shakur